12:25 am..... january 11th.. 2007... its now officially thursday... I've got so many thoughts flying in my head how is a person to know where to start? what shud be my first words that i type here?
yes.. i know i typed the time.. and that the blog keeps record of the time and date as well.. i dont care really.. there's a point i wrote the time and date... it has been nearly 32 hrs.. non stop with no sleep... xcept for the 20 mins or so i lay tryin to get a cat nap.. in the car.. on my bed... and on the couch.. am i so tired ? have i gone beyond that point? where i just cant sleep anymore??
or has somthin happend to keep me goin?? we are in 2007.. nothing really swell is goin on.. nothing that i can put my finger on to credit for this incredible feeling that i have about 2007.. is it the number SEVEN?? is it just coincidence that the few times i took those silly quizzes in the past.. my lucky number turned out to be 7? is there a reason that i have always had a warm spot for the number seven?? there are so many sevens in this world... will this be a good year for me? shall it be just the tinies bit happier and less painfull as the last one?? i highly doubt it.. for i see alot of pain just waiting for me.. right down the pathway... its inevitable.. a person cant escape any pain that they feel in life... so then why do i feel so good about this year?
I'm still clueless..... and still pondering over it.
i stayed up all night...tuesday till wednesday morning... reading... yes.. such a horrid thing to do u may say.. to stay up and become sleep deprived over a book... but i think this book has been quite an eye opener for me... i realize it isnt a new book... i realize that A LOT of ppl have read it before.. and will mor than likely have their own comments about it... but i really dont care what they have to say... i was meant to read this book... NOW.. i was supposed to read it at this time in my life.. i may not understand it.. i may question it all the time... but i am sure.. that nothing happens without a reason...
everything is connected... that small invisible web... that we are all stuck in...and makes us all connected... each one of us tryin to make a life of their own... doing things independently.. living "our life" but each time i shake my little wings and try to make a move.. those very movements i make.... vibrate and resonate all thru those webs.. and ultimatly affect everyone on that little web.. its Odd how we are all connected.. its odd how the smallest things.. of ppl in ur present life.. cause some kind of percussion... the music of life... everything happens for a reason.. ppl in the past.. influence our life now.. our life now.. will influence ppl in the future... we may feel small and insignicant... we may think that our lives are meaningless... but we are all here for a reason.... a purpose.. most of us will never realize that purpose.. most of us may even die.. asking those very questions.. why am i nothing? can i go back and try harder? can i go back and change somthing? i'll try more... please... let me try? i promise i'll do better!? i dont want to die yet...................
who are we to say that we havent lived our lives the xact way we were supposed to live it? who are we to say that we didnt do what we were truly meant to do .... ??
there are no coincidences... everything happens for a reason... everything on this earth has a reason.. has a purpose... everyone helps in some way or another no matter how insignificant our actions and thoughts may be... it has helped MOLD a certain someone out there.. to be who they are... to be able to fulfill their purpose... to also inturn be able to influence others... and help them achieve their destiny...
destiny.... what a powerful word... and this is just barely the surface... just a tiny scratch.... not even close to fully understanding the TRUE idea behind it all...
we may never be able to truly grasp it... unless you are able to meet those people... have you ever thought about them?? have you ever thought of what they would say to you? have you ever thought about how you affected their lives and they yours?? what would you ask them?? those people... the five people you meet in heaven?
yes.. I've been thinkin this all day... these thoughts have been playing and certain words are floating around... I'm not able to sleep becoz of this... I have now been goin on and on... for nearly a half hours... its 12:53 am... you may not have understood a word i said... or mayb you have.... yes... i need to go.. i need to lay my head down... i need to close my eyes... and just dream... mayb i'll dream of that heaven of mine.. mayb i'll meet my heaven in 2007?
34 comments:
i guess because 'seven' has always been the magic number...or maybe yet, the number of the unforgivable sins(in the bible that is).
artists need pain for inspirations...i guess that's what makes you happy despite it all. its because it gives you the fuel to do something you love doin.
reading vs. sleeping? never a horrid thing. just dont live a life of stories.:>
so destiny for you is potatoes to me?:>
five people you meet in heaven...i've been meaning to buy that book, is it really good? oh and is Jarir still the number one bookstore in there? hehehe..:>
actually i already met my heaven...and she almost got me killed. ("heaven" is what me and my ex-gf used to call each other):>
well i do hope ur already sleepin or have slept already by this time.
love the pictures by the way...
but why is 'seven' the number of the unforgivable sins...?? Doesnt it say in the Quran that there are 7 heavens and 7 earths? what about surat alfatha, is it just a coincidence that it happens to have "seven" ayahs? i dont know why I've always had such a love for that number..
Very true.. pain does give an artist fuel to do somthing that makes the world 'seem' less of a cruel place... but... mayb as artists.. we create our own pain.. and our own grief just so we can do somthin we love?? argh.. did i just say that out loud o_0 .. hmm... i dont know why that thought came to mind.. but.. mayb its true?!
Bleh.. I'm always teased about losing sleep over a book.. amazing how just words on paper can have such an impact. keep u hooked and deprived of everything else.. (no food, water, or even bathroom breaks!)and the whole time... u keep tellin urself.. just one more chapter.. one more page.. and then ur like.. oh heck I've only got a few chapters left.. just finish it!!
how can someone not live a life of stories when LIFE IS A BIG STORY?
*sigh* potatoes... :)I'm hungry.. i wudnt call potatoes destiny.. but its a free world.. who am i to judge ur idea of destiny :P
Yes, Jarir is the number one place to get a book.. I'm not goin to complain.. its better than nothin :P
'five people you meet in heaven' is a really good book and i suggest for EVERYONE to read it.. u start to appreciate the small things in life. which is what ppl neglect too often these days.
if she nearly got u killed.. mayb she wasnt ur true heaven?? but the pet names are just too CUTE!! <3
anywayz.. i hope u really find HEAVEN..
i wish i cud say the same abt the pics.. I'm not too proud of them.. i hate myslf for not havin the proper camera to get a proper shot of that sky... I've had to learn the hard way.
haha... yes.. thank god I've slept.. not MUCH but i cant complain.. somthin is better than nothin eh? :)
eek... gosh I've written so much!! without even realizing it LOL.
exactly my point of it being magical...the Qur'an and the Bible have different perspective towards it. so is the number 13. but who cares? let it be a mystery to spice up the boring world.hahaha:>
we do tend to create our own pain at times...i guess its the chemical imbalance in our brains. hehehe. i mean cmon, i know u dont want to know the answer to that one. admit it, u love the feeling. i know i do. it makes me realize that i am alive. because what's the point of livin if all u feel is happiness? and if so then how would u know that you are indeed happy!?:>
books against bathroom breaks!?!:> read while on the loo. hehehehe
do not live a life of stories but live one that is worth to be a story told. that's what i meant.
talkin to an arab girl about potatoes...reminds me of the fries in al-baik.:( god, fries here are just terrible!!!
i miss jarir so much. i literally grew up in between its shelves!:> thanks to nessreen.
aym gonna make sure i get a copy of ur heavenly book.
YES miss obvious, she aint.:> she's now officially my hell. have u found ur 'heaven'?
what camera do u use anyway? actually when i was checkin out ur site, i quickly emailed nessreen to get me a camera. my dream though is to make a movie, not just pictures.but i respect what u do.
i used to be semi-insomniac. top that!:> so dont complain dear goddess.:>ur right, somethin indeed is better than nothin.
write more! its ur space!:> heheheheh.....
oh the mysteries of life.. the spice to a life that we often question.. hmm i like spicy food.. and i think I'm hungry.. LOL.
yes.. pain does make us feel alive.. and yes, it does inspire us in ways we cud never imagine.. it does make me feel alive. altho i wudnt go so far to say i enjoy being in pain.. i cant deny that those pains help me appreciate the little times of pure happiness and savor the smiles and the happy tingles.. lol
NO!! u cant go and read in the loo... i mean just standing up and walking to the loo messes up whatever theme was goin on in ur head.. nope nope.. unacceptable.. i wud rather wait till i get to a beginning of a new chapter and imagine its a commercial break so i can run to the bathroom! :D
hmm... but who are we to judge what kind of a life shud be told as a story or not? is one persons life more important than anothers? some may have more spice than others.. but they are all lives non the less..
how does talkin to an arab girl about potatoes remind u of AlBaik? LOL... shudnt u think of AlBaik when u think of chicken?? plus I'm not full blooded arab.. :P
make fries at home.. :D its fun!! especially all the peeling and cutting :P
Jarir... :D :D i love that place and go crazy buying things there.. most girls spend alot of money on makeup and bags.. i spend most of my money on books and art supplies.. lol
yea, I have found my 'heaven' altho just like everything else in this life here on earth.. we cant have what we want.. things dont get handed to u on a silver platter.. there arent really such things as happy endings. *sigh*
so, life goes on.
I dream of having my own studio one day.. I use a panasonic lumix.. its not much.. i want to get a Nikon D70.. or mayb a Canon.. havent decided yet.
eh... i was a part insomniac for a while.. no matter how hard i tried.. or how long or hard my day was.. i just cudnt sleep.. i was able to get abt 2-3 hrs of sleep on occasion.. hehe..
ur totally right.. this is MY SPACE.. so i can write as much as i can :P
why are u always hungry!?!:>hehehe
well i think i should go to an AA meeting for pain addicts.:> pain clears my head and i have no friggin idea why.
hahaha!:> commercial breaks like those in the saudi channel? (in a singsong voice)awoo pop pop sun cola! i dont know if u caught that on tv. it was way old.
we are never the judge. we are the writers of our stories. makes sense?
so ur not full blooded arab? then i rest my case...that must explain why u remind me of fries and albaik. dont start with the chicken, oooof!!!
well my dad was in-charge of the art supplies, ness was of the books and me? well i was busily tryin to find a decent magazine without them black markers.:> hehehe. but hey, dont get me wrong i did love books since forever. in fact my first books were from jarir.
so ur tellin me you found ur 'heaven' but you dont have what u want? let me rephrase, you found your 'heaven' not as you wanted it? or again let me, you dont want your heaven? omg, i've gone cross-eyed!!!:>lol
i suggest you take the nikon d70. though i have no idea what are its features but still nikon's a photo-artist's bestfriend.(i read that somewhere)
you know how i cured mine? i started listening to enigma's return to innocence.
hope u dont mind the space i've been takin...:>
YOUR MAKING ME HUNGRY with all this FOOD looool :D eh.. atleast I'm not hungry now :P
hmm.... AA meetings for pain.. i think i wud be interested in going.. altho i dont think i enjoy it I've been told that i do o_0 hmm.. thinking clearly from pain.. that totally makes sense.
haha... I'm not sure if i know which commercial but i do know the sun cola ones.. lol.. the commercials have evolved here... they arent what they used to be.. :D ur missing out on alot of fun :P
yea, we are the writers of our stories :)
LOOOOOOOL... u rest ur case where?! how the heck do i remind u of Albaik.. LOL..
argh! those stupid black markers EVERYWHERE.. hehe i hated those things.. uhm, u say ur first books were from Jarir?? was there any other alternative to where u cud get a book? :P EVERYONES first books came from there .. lol
lool.. oh plz dont go cross eyed and think too much into it..
I've found my 'heaven' but that heaven isnt mine to keep...(altho i still have hope) its complicated.. lol.. and very confusing.. i dont need u to be bursting a vein in ur head or anything tryin to figure this out.. Ness will kill me :P
yea i heard the same about nikon.. until i joined DeviantART and met alot of photographers there and quite a few say the Canon is amazing.. so.. the dillemma continues.. but its ok.. its not like i have the cash right now to get a camera.. *sniff sniff*
oh god.. enigma's return to innocence.. gosh I've abused that song and a few others of theirs as well.. music is my second passion after art... sometimes music helps me relax and other times it just stirs up emotions and thoughts so it becomes harder to sleep... I'm listening to (You - Switchfoot) an awesome song.
hehe.. nah.. i dont mind u taking up space here.. lol.. its all good :D
i make u hungry? all i said were potatoes and spice!:> as far as i am concerned u can think of other things that could be NOT food. there's Spice Girls and Toy Story...:>
if u know the sun cola commercials then u would have not missed the one i specified. try to remember that polar bear drinkin the cola then running on stage with his band all hyper singin "awoo pop pop sun cola!!!" and how's he related to Suntop btw?!?:>lol
okay, now u dont just remind me of al-baik...TAZAJ!!!omg...:>
hey hey...ur forgetting there's al-maktabah bookstore.:>hehehe
so technically speaking its not really ur heaven. deceptions my dear one...sometimes we cant tell the difference with wat we think IS from what really IS.
see i told you enigma helps.:> i am listening to 'You' right now. its nice.:> from the infos i am gathering, i THINK i know whats ur personality.
what crazy nut wud think of Toy Story and the spice girls when u are talkin about potatoes, fries, alBaik, Tazaj... and all the spices to go with it.. LOL... omg.. this is not good!
hahaha... oh yea... i forgot about that commercial.. the one on stage LOL.. suntop has the bear too :P
argh.. good luck in finding a good book at maktaba bookstore..
no... i know that i have found my heaven.. mayb I'm just not allowed to have that heaven yet.. i duno. there are alot of 'maybes' to try and think of reasons why... but I'm not goin to do that... I've tried to see and find my real heaven.. but its kinda hard to find a better heaven than the real deal...
its hard to xplain... trust me.. i know I've found my 'heaven'
i know all about deceptions dear one :)more than u can imagine..
Enigma is nice.. but i dont know if it wud have helped me to sleep..
I'm now listening to Lisa Gerrard's Man on Fire Soundtrack.. the end theme... i love that movie.
hmmm... interesting.. nice to know you THINK you know my personality... but dont be surprised when u realize ur wrong :P
IN MY HUMBLE OPINION (all caps, coz I love this entrance):
Potatoes ARE MY DESTINY.
"what crazy nut wud think of Toy Story and the spice girls when u are talkin about potatoes, fries, alBaik, Tazaj... and all the spices to go with it.." The answer to that, Shari, is the kind of nut who is related to me. Who else? *sniff* This kid makes me so proud I could cry. LOL.
The Suntop Bear and the Suncola Bear are first cousins. They are the bastard children of expatriate children's imaginations. Oi, the old days.
Bookstores: There was Tihama, Al-Maktaba and Al-Mamoun. These are the places I bullied my brothers to accompany me to. Of course when Jarir opened, I wept and kissed the ground it stood on.
You THINK you know someone, and then BAM. "Things aren't always what they seem." -Moulin Rouge
This whole web of life. Phew. It's so easy to be overwhelmed by it. But thank God for something that we can ponder, something Bigger Than Our Minds, something so much larger than ourselves and our little lives. This is what art is made of.
haha.. loving ur entrance gurl.. as always :D
awww... isnt it just soo nice when they grow up! :D yep yep.. he's ur crazy nut.. lol :) but dont forget.. that nuttiness is in ur blood too sweetie XD
argh.. those bookstores are terrible.. nothing does it like Jarir :D
:D :D i love art! :D :D
aphroditeshari: hello!?! potato- mr.potato head! u need not think of food! just forget the fries, albaik and tazaj...maybe i was just hungry.:>
so u saw it? cmon sing with me "AWOO POP POP SUN COLAAAA!!!!":> hahahaha.aym having fun big time!:>
heeeyyy...al maktabah has cheaper and better art materials! u should know that!:>...or so my father says.hehehe...
its ur heaven.(hands raised):>
ahhh...the art of deception. i'll return the ur comment.
man on fire...good choice of movie: denzel and dakota fanning
here's what i think...ur really a quiet person. u'd rather watch or listen rather than talk. but then the twist is(yes there is that tangy twist to UR personality),u want to be a part of what interests u. SO that's when the noise in you comes out. AND that's what rules out ur being quiet.how's that?
baby rockstar:the nut u are referring to is ur twin so stop calling me a kid already!:>
so if suntop and suncola are first cousins, how is orangina related to them?:>lol
it was my feet u were kissing, not the floor of jarir. u were not looking!!!:>
dont start with moulin rouge puh-lease! god aym gonna have to watch it again.
aha... see that means i do have a right to say u make me hungry :P
*joins deville in his singing "AWOO POP POP SUN COLAAAA!!!!" while doing a little wiggle dance* LOOOOL
true true... almaktaba does have cheaper and sometimes better art material... but in the book area... jarir is the best... :)
*raises hands just to mimic deville* yea yea.. my heaven :P
hmmm.... not bad... :) but again.. isnt that how most Taureans are? quiet and observant... calm.. their inner waters are deep and calm.. which helps us become deep thinkers and ponder about alot of things.. We can also be very passionate about things... and talkative about those passions...
*salutes Deville* ;)
BOOOHOOOO>.. wud u believe that I've NEVER watched moulin rouge!!?
It's funny coz you and Deville actually have the same personality. That's why he knows you so well.
ORANGINA? Omg, that's the Godfather of kids' drinks.
You've NEVER seen Moulin Rouge????? *faints* How are we friends?
aphroditeshari: no, its u hu makes me hungry!!!:>
wow ur a great dancer...but veerrry baaaad singer.:>hehehe
jarir will always be number one. that's for sure.
mimic me? (does a wiggle dance):>
ur of what month? we're actually not talkative...we just have a lot of passions to talk about.:>
ok i'm officially not talkin to u till u watch the movie. but then again, we have a quest to beat baby rockstar's most commented entry.:>
baby rockstar: there's a bigger bottle of orangina right?:>
baby rockstar: hmmmm.... very interesting that u say we have the same personality.. :)
I'm glad we dont fight tho.. lol
*hangs head low in shame* i duno.. sniff sniff... i just never watched it.. its not like i dont want to!
deville: naha... you are the one who made me hungry :P
I'm not a bad singer!! i practice on the karaoke!! lol.. :D am i that bad baby rockstar???
I'm in May.. :) may 12th :)
yea.. we arent talkative.. but become talkative over our passions.. hehe
ooooooh... we're on a QUEST!! *jumps in excitement* yaay!
so we both make each other hungry. i'd take you out for dinner but i have this fear of flying.:>lol
practice makes perfect...:>oh please, ask ness about singing?!?
no wonder. i'm 4th of may.
...and talking's one of our passions...but, yeah, we arent talkative.
yes we are so keep it up!:>
Yeah, I know all about Shari singing. We have Karaoke parties Saudi-style up in here. LOOOL.
woohoo for saudi style karaoke parrrtaaaaaays!!... hehe.. seriously.. we shud get some arabic songs.. haha that wud be a blast!!
yea yea.. sure.. make the 'flying' an xcuse.. :P
... hmm... ok.. heres a question... do u ever get 'loud'?? lol :)
hey its not an excuse. besides, by the time i get there it'd be breakfast...so i would be takin u out for breakfast?!?:>
'loud'? was that question for me? ayl answer anyways...it depends, at times i get loud like 'LOUD!!!'. other times i am so silent u'd be able to hear the fizzing of ice in a glass of water.
and u? u ever get 'loud'?
breakfast sounds good :D :D how about caspers? they have a killer breakfast menu.. lool :D
YES!! i get loud.. i usually get LOUD when i get overly excited about something... ( which often shocks ppl who dont really know me coz its such a contradiction to what i usually am... which is very quiet and observant )... and yes.. most of the times i dont realize that I'm gettin loud till one of my sisters say so.. LOL..
but in my defense... i say that its good to get loud when I'm hyped up abt somthin... it shows I'm a passionate person !! XD LOL
Like the wise woman once said:
"Let's get loud!"
- Jennifer "My-Ass-Is-So-Big-It's-Almost-A-Country" Lopez
hahaha.... dont make fun of her ass... its not nice!! LOL.. :D *dancing to the beat of the song* lol
aphroditeshari: no no no...ayl take you to one of those afghani bakery that makes those pizza-like stale breads.:>lol
its when the silence gets deafening that i become loud. so i do it on purpose not just by the impulses.
how many sisters u got?
babyrockstar: j. lo's ass is so big its got its own postal code?!:>hehehe
bleh.. then I'm not goin with you :P
so that means we arent that similar.. lol.. i get loud without realizing it!! *embarrasssssing*
I have 3 sisters and 2 younger brothers... i believe u saw the video :P
hahahaha:> alrighty then...i mean, honestly, where in jeddah can u take someone out for a decent date!?!
your one to speak about being totally in control of urself then...:>
really!?! no wonder ya'll look alike. ur the eldest?
hey.. jeddah is diff.. there are plenty of places to go out... :P
atleast my laughing and getting a bit loud on occasion... wont get me killed :P
yep yep... I'm the eldest.. :) but i dont act like it.
back when i was there, the only decent place was paninos...u know that italian resto?
u never know, a huge bee could happen to be fly right into ur mouth and u'd be going *choke-choke*:> it happened in the movie kung pow...except that it was a moth.
now that's another indifference we have...i aint the oldest but i try to act as one...but the concept of it is pretty similar so i dont really think we should be counting.:>
...in case u didnt get that, i meant "...flyin by and go straight..."
oh and notice how we've succeeded in our little quest?:>
back when u were here eh? lol.. well there are quite a few nice places to go out to now.. :)
lool.. yea i caught it.. the bee thing.. but if that happend to me.. i wudnt die from choking.. i wud have die of an allergic reaction.. I'm allergic to bee stings.. they can be lethal to me.. lol.. :D yippee for being allergic to bees!
yes.. i totally agree.. the concepts are similar.. so we are in a way similar to each other... even if it is a bit opposite ideas.. lol.. a number is just a number.. my mind is whats important.. lol :D
boooyaaa!! we did well in our quest :D
does that mean its over?? :(
yes back when i was there...u are in jeddah right?!
hey good job...now that's another reason why i hate bees!:>hehehe
a mind's something u just cant put to waste, so yeah ur mind IS important.:>
well...like nelly furtado's song, "all good things come to an end". but aym not really sure...is it? i see a sad face over there...;>
haha.. yes I'm in jeddah :D
hmm.. interestingly enough.. even tho I'm allergic to bee stings.. I dont hate them.. and I'm not afraid of them.. well.. i am afraid to an xtent.. but.. i duno.. i've learned not to panic and freak out when a bee comes around.. as long as u sit there bein calm and not goin crazy.. that bee will come and do its business and be off without bothering a soul.
haha.. one time when we lived in Cali.. i was about 5 yrs old i think.. i ran out into the parking lot barefoot and stepped on a bee.. i think it was dead.. i duno.. but anywho.. my foot swelled up so fast and got so big.. haha we went to the hospital and thats when we found out i was allergic to them :D
yes yes.. the mind .. what a beautiful mind it is.. :)
( i love that movie )
and that song!! i think its the ONLY nelly furtado song that i just ADORE!!.. :)
well.. to me.. all endings.. isnt really the end.. it marks a new beginning.. :)
u stepped on a bee?!? u STEPPED on a bee!?! what are u, shaquille o'neal?:>lol. i mean how in the world did u step on a bee. how big are ur feet by the way? and how high are ur strides?:>hehehehe...
the movie starring russell crowe? i dont know. i dont like him very much.
the ONLY nelly furtado song u adore? oh cmon...i totally love her music.
you know what, we can keep going...that way, babyrockstar will never beat us.:>hehehe
*slams door and sulks*
I hate you and your stupid quest. I mean, really. 33 Comments????
omg.. like how did i NOT see these comments? that stupid email thing.. its supposed to let me know when there is a comment... Grrr..
Deville: haha... no I'm not Shaquille.. lol.. wud be nice tho eh? blah... i duno how i stepped on the bee.. i just did.. mayb it was walking around on the ground or somthin.. eating .. i duno.. lol.. and no.. my feet arent THAT big.. i have very small feet.. I'm a 37- 38
and Im not that tall either.. lol but i like my height and my foot size.. :D most ppl want to be taller.. i dont :)
yes that movie with russel crowe.. he's not a bad actor.. i loved a beautiful mind and the gladiator.. those movies rock!
Nelly is ok... and yes.. that song is the ONLY song i adore.. there is a new song i heard of hers on the radio tho... wasnt too bad.. i cant remember what it was called tho.
yay for crushing records.. :D
baby rockstar: awww... hehe.. c'mon u shud have know that TWO taureans and their minds.. did u think we cudnt or wudnt complete our quest? *hug* lol
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