Euphoric Tingles

Íts been a whole month... planning.. working.. running around all over the place.. facing one problem after another..
Trying to make a difference.. planning our DevMeet.. it hasnt been a piece of cake.. none of us wud dare to say such a thing, but we continued to push ourselves for that special night.. working for a better cause... The last few days becoming somewhat of a blur combined with lack of sleep, lack of food and lack of free time.. everything is on auto pilot now.. living off tea and coffee for nearly a week ( never knew it were possible ) making sure each detail is ready.. making sure all paintings are here and set.. and then finally its here.. THE BIG NIGHT... Going to Chai & Ba early in the day to help set things up.. then running to work b4 the night... i went to work in a daze.. thinking of whats to come and if it will be great.. hoping and praying it all goes well and we atleast survive...
7:15... class is over.. time to fix my make up and run down to the car... lots of hugs of support from friends before i leave and then I'm off..
Here we are.. squeek and I.. driving down the road to our destination, we have some quick nervous small talk, some words of encouragement to each other... i keep telling myself.. (out loud) BREATHE.. JUST BREATHE!! some more words of encouragement.. and a high five coz we made it this far. We pull up to the place for a split second my heart stops and i hold my breathe before getting out of the car...

and the night begins....

for the next four hours.. we mingled with artists, shared our photos or paintings and talked about what ever came to mind.. crowds everywhere.. ppl coming and going.. squeezing through one crowd after another trying to get from here to there.. smiling at everyone and passing on hopes that theyre enjoying their time... occasionally running into my partners in crime.. and we pass each other a smile, a pat on the back or a tight squeeze of the shoulder.. saying to ourselves.. we did it :)
as the night goes by.. I feel myself and see the rest of the team slowly burning out.. i can see we are all physically and mentally xhausted... yet still enjoying and mingling with ppl. i think to myself ( we're almost there guys.. almost.. hold on a bit longer.. )

12:00 am closing time... one last picture to be taken for the magazine of us.. the founders with Ziad our angel of a sponsor :)
we are all happy.. We give each other warm hugs at the door and bid farewell..

Coming home last night in the car feeling so hyped at the xcitement of Jeddah Urban Artists first Meet... and the whole success of it.. for a bit i thought i cudnt sleep for a lifetime even if i tried...
talking the whole way home.. feeling great..
I get home.. change.. and lay in bed... telling myself i MUST atleast TRY to sleep..
2 mins later... I'm out cold.

I wake up with a smile on my face.. thinking.. We did it! we were a success!
the WHOLE night was about ART ART and MORE ART!! amazing pics and amazing ppl. the conversations and comments from one person to another was about art... sharing ideas, thoughts and technique. ppl laughed.. ppl smoked.. the music played and everyone was smiling :D yay!
it was ALL worth the trouble... but the trip there was as rough as it cud come..
yes.. the event was a success.. the night went xtremely well considering we arent even event organizers.. lol..
what makes it the best?? that we did it together..

~Squeeko (abdullah) for your ideas, your silly jokes and sense of humor, ur full support, ur ways with words to get me to say yes after being upset over somthin that happend AND ur cute squeekiness.

=Sonic-BooM (fayiz) you've been an angel all the way too.. all the printing, designs, the running around every where and especially for putting up with my mood swings and yet still amazingly continue being the pleasant person that you are!

~lil-souma (asmaa) for being the glue to hold us all together.. the president of the group.. and for pushing it all to be the event it was.. I know it has been very hard on you.. thank u for being the sweetheart that u are.
you guys are angels..


Our Sponsor... Ziad.. who has done NOTHING but try to help make things as easy as possible and make it all go smoothly.. giving his support and trust..

I love you guys.. and it wudnt have been worth it if it werent for you to help me through!

thanks to everyone who gave us the time to attend our event.. :)

SPONSOR!

SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!! *jumps up and down all excited*
Breathe breathe breathe... *feeling light headed* oh god i think I'm hyperventilating!!

OK... so a few friends and i have been trying to organize a "devmeet" where artists/ deviants from deviantart in Jeddah all get together and support each others art, get connected and try to make a difference.. we've been at this for a few weeks now tryin to think of ideas and such... we werent doin bad but we werent doin great either.

anywho.. so I'm at work yesterday and get a call from on of the guys telling me that they have found a SPONSOR for the event.. and that we are all goin to meet up at "second cup" at coral mall and meet the sponsors.. EEEEK... talk about a blood rush.. i quickly agreed and asked to be picked up from work.

We get there and we wait impatiently.. ( we are originally two guys and two girls but poor souma cudnt make it *hugs souma* so i was stuck with the boys)

they two guys ( YOUNG GUYS ) working for a fairly new advertising co here in Jeddah but well known internationally TBWA... they are looking for new and talented artists.. ppl with potential.. ppl who think outside of the conventional box.. god i know so many ppl who wud be so awesome.. and they ( the sponsors ) wud totally love. *crosses fingers for them*

there is soooo much that needs to be done.. i have so much work to do...
i stayed up all night.. thinking of ideas... brainstorming.. i was totally xhausted but cudnt sleep...
i wanted to wake up today and get busy with things.. but i duno.. I'm feeling a bit under my standards today.. i think I'm comin down with the flu! *gasp* i hope not.. i dont have time to get sick.. not now..

hmmm.... I'm afraid the perfectionist in me will fight its way thru and I'm gona become over stressed with this whole xhibition..
i need to design a t-shirt... or come up with a better souvenir to give to our guests.. somthing unconventional.. somthin diff.. somthin that ppl will say wow.. thats such a cool idea.
I MUST come up with a cool slogan.. a cool line that represents who we are and what we do...
* jeddah deviants... setting new boundaries
* jeddah deviants... have no limits
* jeddah deviants... resisting conventionality :S lol
* jeddah deviants... give a new meaning to being devious.
* jeddah deviants... ........ ......

i need to design a banner for the xhibit..
i need to come up with things for the new site ( account on DA ) that fifi launched last night..

god.. there is too much thinking being done.. I'm gona have a meltdown XD

I'm feeling very xcited and getting sick at the same time... lol..i never knew it were possible.
i'll keep updates on whats goin on.

i gotta get somthin to eat.. I'm startin to feel dizzy and i havent eaten since yesterday lunch!! and its almost lunch time again! *gasps and faints*

hehe :D

Is it really me?

my celebrity look-alikes..
lol...

Angelina Jolie 96 % ( WOW )
Ali Landry 80%
Sandra Bullock 78%
Kaley Cuoco 78%
Claire Danes 78%
Alessandra Ambrosio 76%
Natalie Imbruglia 75%
Jessica Simpson 74%






~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



Claire Danes 90%
Adriana Karembeu 90%
Katie Holmes 83%
Annie Lennox 83%
Katherine Heigl 83%
Kim Smith 83%
Penelope Cruz 80%
Uma Thurman 80%


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~




Uma Thurman 83%
Katie Holmes 83%
Kimberly Williams 83%
Kristin Kruek 78%
Aishwariya Rai 76%
Alyson Hannigan 76%
Kaley Cuoco 76%
Rachael Leigh Cook








SURPRISE SURPRISE>>>> Wynona was NEVER mentioned :P

~Lost In Darkness~

this is somthing i wrote a long time ago.. and had it posted on a site with poetry and such.. but since i left the site and will no longer go back.. i thought i wud post it here.. instead of putting a link...

anyhow... here it is..

~Lost In Darkness~

I wake in the morning from another sleepless night...
I go on with my meaningless routine without a single fight...
Feeling dirt and grime soaked into my skin...
Feeling so dirty and cheap...
My life has taken such a dramatic spin...
How much longer of my sanity can i keep..

Is that a reflection in the window??
Who is that looking back at me??
I dont recognise her... I no longer know...

Why can't i stop these tears i cry??
These tears that constantly fall...
Fall from the inside and out...
How am i crying>> How is it possible??
I feel so numb inside.. so hollow and empty..
A cold and empty void inside my soul..
A hole all the way through to my heart..
Puncturing both my lungs,
making it that much harder for me to breathe..
Drowning in this poison oxygen all around...

Hurting so much...

In a crippling pain that shoots right into my chest..
People everywhere looking straight at me..
Talking to me always...
Not seeing the pain I'm in..
Not seeing the acid tears that fall,
burning my eyes and cheeks..

They know nothing...
Just the smile on my face..
and the laughter that they hear...
Oblivious to my wishes of death..
My hunger to just no longer be..

Or are they so ignorant??

Why dont i reach for help?
I once thought it the right thing to do..
But why save something so lost and gone?
Why use that effort on a lost cause??
Why try and cure a person on her death bed,
when you can cure one who still has hope??

Thats why they ignore.. Its what they see..
Hopeless.... too lost...

Yes, My death bed..
I'm falling hard and fast...
Deep down in the darkness where nobody survives..
Digging my nails into the walls..
Gasping for fresh air for my contaminated lungs..
Attempting to climb but still i fall..
Sliding more and more each second..
Being swallowed by the bitter coldness down below..
A piercing silence through the air thats so deffaning.

Falling... Falling...

I cut my wrists and watch the liquid flow..
Red and warm... so inviting...
Feeling better as each drop falls..
Darkness doesnt scare me anymore..

I'm giving in..
I'm giving up..
I've found my cure..
I've found my safe spot..
I'm ready to go..

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tuesdays With Morrie

alrighty.. Its 3:40 am.. I'm about to just say whatever blahs that are on my mind.. and i warn u.. it isnt goin to be quite sweet or whatever its supposed to be...

my latest book i read... (Tuesdays with Morrie) by Mitch Albom..
yet another great book.. that i finished within a few hrs of the night.. that left me crying and contemplating about my life, how i live it and the people that i know.

its utterly amazing how just words on paper can move a persons soul so much.. move ur inner thoughts and feelings..

an old man, a young man and life's greatest lesson...

* accept what you are able to do & what you are not able to do...

* Accept the past as PAST , without denying it or discarding it.

We all hate becoming something we dont want to be.. routine, losing track of frienships as the years go by, giving up on dreams we held dearly... and then we sit back and think.. how did this happen?? When did it happen..
( i had become too wrapped up in the siren song of my own life )...



funerals... a time where ppl get together.. and say great things about a person who is no longer there... is it fair that the deceased cant hear such great words? is it right for the person who is dead to not know how much he is loved and hear those words of love and affection? To hear those words that ppl long to say when they think its too late..
ironic... a person leaves the world. feeling unloved.. only to have a mass crowd at his funeral..
i wonder who will be at mine? what will they say about me when I'm gone... a part of me is so eager to know and find out...
the way I'm feeling right now.. i doubt the grasshoppers will even be there..

yes.. PMS.. is a bitch... bite me.

Everyone knows they are going to die...but nobody believes it.. if we did.. we would do things differently.. ( the book is amazing i tell u )

.... hmm.. it goes on to tell u... that these questions.. u shud ask urself.. everyday...
IS today the day?
Am I ready?
Am i doing all i need to do?
Am i being the person i want to be?
Is today the day i die?


why dont we have ( living funerals) ? a party where ppl say what they feel... as in.. a funeral...
but.. the person who is dead.. isnt really dead?

have u ever wondered why ppl get uncomfortable in a quiet room? why do we humans become embarrassed by silence?? ppl start to shift their weight and look around the room to keep themself occuppied.. why cant we have a bunch of ppl in a room.. not talking and feel comfortable with just sittin there... breathing in.. and out.. lookin at each other?? why do we feel xposed during times like that? like our inner most thoughts and secrets are being revealed..?

a very short story was told in the book.. that caught the very strings of my heart... In this mental institution... a woman wud be found laying face down on the floor of the hallway to her room EVERY morning and wud stay there till the evening.. not moving at all.. doctors and nurses stepping around her.. seeing that she isnt doin anyone any harm... the man in the book sat and watched her for days and then gradually went and laid next to her.. keeping her company till she warmed up to him.. and eventually he was able to get her up and back into her room...
What was it that she wanted the most? why did she do that EVERY SINGLE DAY??
The same thing that MANY ppl want...
Someone to notice she was there...

.....dum di dum dum dum... ( dont ask )

I'm in the mood to listen to Black Orchid - Blue October.... god.. can u hear it in his voice? i wana sing like that.. i want to pass emotion to ppl.. let them feel things.


ever feel that just everyone is avoiding u? ever feel that just mayb.. nobody can stand u? or.. i duno.. why dont ppl feel satisified from a relationship? is there somthing wrong with me or is it all human kind?
I'm feeling very rebelious at the moment.. and very self destructive mode as well..... but what am i gona do? I'm stuck at home.. and cant do a thing... whooooopeeee. I'm gona get some chocolate... and some ice-cream.. i hope there is some cake too.. yes.. thats what i will do.. the first steps to my self destruction!! *muahahahaa* (evil-laugh for those of u who didnt get that)



If you were reincarnated... what would you want to come back as?

Our Heaven

12:25 am..... january 11th.. 2007... its now officially thursday... I've got so many thoughts flying in my head how is a person to know where to start? what shud be my first words that i type here?

yes.. i know i typed the time.. and that the blog keeps record of the time and date as well.. i dont care really.. there's a point i wrote the time and date... it has been nearly 32 hrs.. non stop with no sleep... xcept for the 20 mins or so i lay tryin to get a cat nap.. in the car.. on my bed... and on the couch.. am i so tired ? have i gone beyond that point? where i just cant sleep anymore??

or has somthin happend to keep me goin?? we are in 2007.. nothing really swell is goin on.. nothing that i can put my finger on to credit for this incredible feeling that i have about 2007.. is it the number SEVEN?? is it just coincidence that the few times i took those silly quizzes in the past.. my lucky number turned out to be 7? is there a reason that i have always had a warm spot for the number seven?? there are so many sevens in this world... will this be a good year for me? shall it be just the tinies bit happier and less painfull as the last one?? i highly doubt it.. for i see alot of pain just waiting for me.. right down the pathway... its inevitable.. a person cant escape any pain that they feel in life... so then why do i feel so good about this year?

I'm still clueless..... and still pondering over it.

i stayed up all night...tuesday till wednesday morning... reading... yes.. such a horrid thing to do u may say.. to stay up and become sleep deprived over a book... but i think this book has been quite an eye opener for me... i realize it isnt a new book... i realize that A LOT of ppl have read it before.. and will mor than likely have their own comments about it... but i really dont care what they have to say... i was meant to read this book... NOW.. i was supposed to read it at this time in my life.. i may not understand it.. i may question it all the time... but i am sure.. that nothing happens without a reason...
everything is connected... that small invisible web... that we are all stuck in...and makes us all connected... each one of us tryin to make a life of their own... doing things independently.. living "our life" but each time i shake my little wings and try to make a move.. those very movements i make.... vibrate and resonate all thru those webs.. and ultimatly affect everyone on that little web.. its Odd how we are all connected.. its odd how the smallest things.. of ppl in ur present life.. cause some kind of percussion... the music of life... everything happens for a reason.. ppl in the past.. influence our life now.. our life now.. will influence ppl in the future... we may feel small and insignicant... we may think that our lives are meaningless... but we are all here for a reason.... a purpose.. most of us will never realize that purpose.. most of us may even die.. asking those very questions.. why am i nothing? can i go back and try harder? can i go back and change somthing? i'll try more... please... let me try? i promise i'll do better!? i dont want to die yet...................

who are we to say that we havent lived our lives the xact way we were supposed to live it? who are we to say that we didnt do what we were truly meant to do .... ??

there are no coincidences... everything happens for a reason... everything on this earth has a reason.. has a purpose... everyone helps in some way or another no matter how insignificant our actions and thoughts may be... it has helped MOLD a certain someone out there.. to be who they are... to be able to fulfill their purpose... to also inturn be able to influence others... and help them achieve their destiny...

destiny.... what a powerful word... and this is just barely the surface... just a tiny scratch.... not even close to fully understanding the TRUE idea behind it all...

we may never be able to truly grasp it... unless you are able to meet those people... have you ever thought about them?? have you ever thought of what they would say to you? have you ever thought about how you affected their lives and they yours?? what would you ask them?? those people... the five people you meet in heaven?

yes.. I've been thinkin this all day... these thoughts have been playing and certain words are floating around... I'm not able to sleep becoz of this... I have now been goin on and on... for nearly a half hours... its 12:53 am... you may not have understood a word i said... or mayb you have.... yes... i need to go.. i need to lay my head down... i need to close my eyes... and just dream... mayb i'll dream of that heaven of mine.. mayb i'll meet my heaven in 2007?

Friends

Here we are.. living our daily life.. we wake up every morning and go to work and do pretty much the same thing we did yesterday.. but what makes it from becoming that all too well known depressing routine of a life that nobody enjoys?? Friends.. thats what makes it all worthwile.. a smile here.. and a laugh there.. a few pushes and giggles.. lots of gossip and more giggles about the cute guy who just served us our dinner... or getting all dressed up and cheering for a team that we know is going to lose.. XD



girls nights out.. awesome times.. so many inside jokes.. that nobody wud ever get.. unless they were actually there... and then still.. it may be hard for some to understand even if they were there.. a game of trivial pursuit.. everyone becoming a bit more competitive than needed.. but all laughing the whole time..



who ever said that girls cant have fun here in jeddah? all you need is a good combo of friends...





here we are... our life.. we have nothing to look forward to except each others company..
we can make any place seem like a grand place to hang out... even at 8 am while the whole world sleeps in... dragging ourselves out of bed.. totally xhausted from whatever crazy thing we did the night before... just to go and have a picnic breakfast.. at an old abandoned park.
(it was worth every ounce of sleep that i lacked that day)




bless each and every one of them.. for all the great times.. for all the times they supported me.. for the times i had a shoulder to cry on.. for the amazing laughs... may we all stay friends for as long as we live..

i love you all...